Hello, Where is Your Dramaturg?

Hello, it’s me. Your friendly neighborhood theatre professional.

The same person who had a running commentary of the inaccuracies of Smash despite loving that TV show very much. The same person who wonders — out loud, at dinner — why playwrights are the name to know in theatre, while directors are the end all and be all of film. I’m very fun at parties. And by “fun at parties,” I mean please do not invite me to that party. I like my pajamas too much.

Last night I watched Marriage Story on Netflix, because it was the thing to do. And because I heard there were some Company references in there. I won’t put any spoilers in here, but I will say that I didn’t learn anything new about divorce or communication or whatever the greater “Why?” was of this movie. I did learn that Noah Baumbach knows next to nothing about theatre.

First of all, the stage manager doesn’t take any notes.

I never once saw that stage manager, beautifully played by Brooke Bloom (of the first ever production of Lungs at The Studio Theatre), take a single note. Her character is written to have enough time to [spoiler removed] and yet there’s nary a binder or highlighter in sight. How is Adam Driver’s play going to go to Broadway if the blocking notation is gone? How will they ever transfer to a theatre of that size if there’s no record of the original ground plan? Which brings me to my next point.

There’s no way that play is going to Broadway.

It’s wonderful to be optimistic and think that commercial audiences are down for anything, but any play with wired microphones and less-than-realism-based movement patterns is staying downtown. Don’t get me wrong, it will run forever in an off-off-Broadway space. Hell, it’ll be great at St. Ann’s Warehouse for a sick four month engagement. But Broadway doesn’t lean that way. At least not in 2019.

And even if that play is going to Broadway, where are the commercial producers? Why aren’t they making Adam Driver stay in town for the duration of his rehearsal period? (Hell, why isn’t the stage manager keeping track of all these breaks?) And are we really meant to believe they wouldn’t make every single one of those actors re-audition for their roles?

I’m not saying that Adam Driver couldn’t push for a closed rehearsal process, a we’re-doing-this-with-the-whole-team-in-tact-or-nothing-at-all philosophy, but I don’t believe that he would. Despite everyone saying “He loves this theatre company! He gives it everything he has!”, there isn’t one moment when we see him treating the company with respect or honor. And we never see him stand up for other members of the company. In fact, I would not trust this guy to run a theatre. Where’s the leadership structure?

Why isn’t there a separate accounting system for this theatre company?

Adam Driver (yes, we’ve all forgotten his character name at this point) says repeatedly that he puts all of his money right back into the theatre company. First of all, he clearly doesn’t because he has enough in his checking account to write a $25,000 payment to his lawyer, plus he seems to own his Brooklyn apartment. But even if he didn’t, why does he keep saying that the theatre is counting on his money? Where is their grants writer? Who runs their development program? And does he really think that splitting a $150,000 yearly grant twenty-ish ways, not counting space rentals, costumes, sets, lights, and all those coffee runs, is enough for a troupe of actors to live on in New York? I’m suddenly very worried about this theatre company. Does the commercial theatre producer from the Broadway run know about this? Oh wait.

The Geffen Playhouse is at UCLA. REDCAT is at CalArts.

A recurring theme of the movie is the elusive year-long residency at The Geffen Playhouse, which is very firmly associated with UCLA. The variation on this theme is a mention of a residency at UCLA, followed by the mention that Adam Driver will be directing two shows at REDCAT.

Hang on, what? If he truly does have a residency at UCLA, he’ll be teaching in the theatre department and possibly guest directing a show on campus — maybe possibly at The Geffen, but really who knows? (By the way, does he have an MFA? Would this school even welcome him without one?) Are we meant to believe that we live in an alternate universe where REDCAT is affiliated with UCLA — an agonizing 16 mile drive on the I-10W? You’re lucky if you get there in an hour.

The more likely scenario is that he got a residency at CalArts and is directing two trippy weird plays at REDCAT. In that case, it feels like a wonderful fit — and an incredibly tragic piece of news that he’s experiencing memory loss at such a young age.

And finally, no family loves Company that much.

Believe me, I’ve tried. It’s quite possibly my favorite Sondheim musical. Like Adam Driver, I can recite every single interstitial piece of dialogue in “Being Alive” from memory. In fact, when that song came on, my body just jumped into action, performing without my full knowledge or consent. But if your entire family truly does love Company that much, (1) why didn’t y’all examine the book of the musical before divorce was put on the table? and (2) why can’t you sing that “Bobbie baby Bobbie bubbie Bobby” part? Just give it a try. One time.